"Red, White, And Beer"

       This piece of satire is written by Dave Barry. He is the speaker of the the story. The tone of this story is very patriotic and sarcastic. Barry shows the intended audience, which is the future readers or the readers of the time how they could be patriotic in commercials. With the use of sarcasm, Barry shows the reader how every commercial fools you by telling you that you are patriotic and supportive of the country if you buy their product. Barry sais that the real patrotism comes in the beer commersials. He is being sarcastic here. There is nothing patriotic in drinking beer, but sadly beer is an icon of America so people follow what the power of the telivision has to offer. He emphasizes how if infuences gangsters because they think that is the way of being patriotic.
       Patriotism is a very big deal because it shows how much you love your country. However, with the use of the television, it is obviously interpreted in the wrong way. Being patriotic does not mean that you have to buy every American product. Barry is sarcastic because he sees small things in commercials that have nothing to do with patriotism. He laughs at commercials that just include the Statue of Liberty in order to make the commercial patriotic. He mocks the stupidity that is places into "patriotic" commercials.

"Toronto Raptors Think Of Really Good Comeback 10 Minutes After Losing Game"

       This article was founded in the Onion. There is no clear identification as to who wrote this article. It only states that it was in Toronto. On Wednesday, the Tornto Raptors lost to the Philidelphia 76ers by an embarassing final score. After the game their center Aaron Gray was interviewed. He and his teammates realized ten minutes after the game that they could have easily won this game. They should have won by simply following fundamentals such as jumping and passing. They also thought as a team about how they have even won twenty games this year.
       This article uses a great deal of humor and sarcasm. It is almost as if it is mocking the Toronto Raptor's team. The humor in this article is that the Raptor's team realized that they could have won ten minutes after the game actually finished. You are supposed to be thinking about winning during the game, not afterwards in the shower. The sarcasm comes in when they say they have no idea how they've won twenty games this year. This is both humor and sarcasm because they are trying to show how the Raptor's team is slow at creating ideas to win during the game as well as just making their team look bad in the interview.

"Morning Explosions Kill Dozens in Damascus"

       This article was founded in the LA Times, and was reported from Beirut. On a beautiful Saturday morning, things got even more bloody in the Syrian capital. Two bombs were exploded.Authorities reported that at least twenty seven people had died, and 100 had been injured. It is said that there is blood scattered all around the district, bodies on the floor, and multiple cars exploded. The bombs were originally placed in cars that were set off in the morning. Car bombs are an indication that Al-Qaeda is getting ready to overthrow the government of Assad.
       It is sad that these things are happening to such a small country. I feel so sorry for the people, especially since I have family there. Things like this should not be happening to people anywhere. Since this revolution started a year ago, over 10,000 people have died! This is not acceptable. The U.S. should take a step in making things better if they truly are the greatest and most powerful country.

SOAPST

       The Great Gatsby takes place in New York City during the 1920s. This is the time in history when illegal drinking was popular. This was also the Jazz time period. Rich people would throw parties, and they would last for two days. The speaker of this story is Nick. He is a young man who has a rich family. He did not want to live with his families wealth, so he decided to move to New York for a fresh start. He explains to us the life of the rich people and all the men and women who have affairs with one another. He is a shy person who is not very social and outgoing.
       The audience of the book is the readers. He explains the book in his view, but at the same time narrarate the story. His main purpose is to inform, and explain to us the events that would occur in the lives of these rich people. He clearly explains that they are not all reliable people. He also emphasizes on his neighbor Gatsby. He is slowly starting to meet him but is curiouse since the man is very myserious and is always hidden from people.

Importance of Language

       Language is one of the most important things in the world. Language is good for various reasons such as social acceptance, trade, communication, and self recognition. There are two things that are very important to language. One of those would be diction. People do not communicate the same way. Everyone has something different to say to describe something. Diction is necessary because it helps you understand a person as well as quickly judge them based on their language. One great example would be that you do not talk to your friend the same way as you would talk to the police or a teacher.
       The second one would be dialect. Without dialect, you would not know which part of the country that person is from. Because countries have mixed nationalities, there is always a different dialect they speak. Every language has a different dialect. Dialect is like a key to identify people. It is a key to acceptance as well as the feeling of being home when around people who speak your same dialect.

"Gatsby Party"

       If I was as rich as Jay Gatsby, I would throw the best parties the world has ever seen. First, I would bring fifty bottles of every different type of vodka. Then, I would bring pole dancers so they could entertain the men. When the males are entertained, they will come back again for another party. The best DJ in the world will be there with the hottest music to entertain us all. I would also bring about ten maids so they always make sure the house is clean.
       Food is the most important thing. I would bring ten different types of pizza with ten fifty boxes of each. Three hundred orders of three by three animal style burgers with about four hundred pounds of fries to make everyone happy. This is random, but I would bring Dodger dogs because that stuff is simply amazing. Finally, I would bring Harout Pampoukdjian because that man knows how to party. Everyone will be on their feet and partying for two nights in a row!

"Two U.S. troops killed amid Afghan protests over Koran burning"

       This article was found in the LA Times, and was written by Laura King. The day when President Obama apologized for the burning of the Korans at an American Miltary base, two American soldiers were killed. At least thirteen people were dead. This occured when laborers at the Bagram air base found out that disposed Korans were being burned. The death of the two Americans took place in a base at Khogyani district at Nangarhar province. The citizens were chanting anti-American slogans. This outrage occured after President Obamas apology.
       Countless deaths occur to Afghan citizens every day. However, this is different because it occured to U.S. soldiers. We need to get out of Afghanistan already. Too many innocent young men are dying for stupid reasons. Its time for them to come home! I also blame the U.S. military base for doing such an unorthodox action. It is our fault that the deaths occured but that does not mean that it should happen.